(the cat is the cool one)

hollywood is hard, don’t let anyone tell you differently. all those people with stories about catching a dazzling lucky break – peel back the layers of that story, and see how many factors went into it. i guarantee they knew someone who knew someone that took a chance and instead of going through all the motions, gave a friend a job. and that’s on top of working their asses off. i hate to burst your bubble, but gisele was a model before she was ‘discovered’ in a mcdonald’s.

i’m well aware it seems like there are a lot of idiotic people out there, just waiting for someone to hand them their dreams, and all you have to do is be the one smart person who actually understands that success takes work. while it may be true that there are a lot of brainless bimbos, there are also a surprising number of intelligent, talented and hard-working people out here who are fighting tooth and nail for the same opportunities.

it sucks to be on the bottom of the food chain, no matter where you are. especially when the cat knows she’s better than you, too.

joining the nbc fall 2011 lineup, this is where it’s at, baby. for those of you who love glee but are tired of soap operas, smash is refreshing, dazzling and goose-bump good.

debra messing is back as debra messing, but for once we appreciate how awesome she can be in a normal setting. outside of our realm of understanding, of course, but normal all the same. there’s work behind every performance we see, there’s inspiration and creativity behind every hit we recycle.

this is my first acquaintance with christian borle – by all appearances he’s the real jack mcfarland and will truman wrapped up in one, his relationship with debra is perfection. jack davenport is artistic and sexy – i’m liking him jaded and skeezy, it gives him an edge i didn’t realize i needed from him. katharine mcphee is a star, and this seems to be the perfect vehicle to bring her to the level she deserves. there’s a reason angelica huston is a legend – and she doesn’t disappoint.

but i’m most interested in two of our supporting characters. raza jaffrey manages to redefine sexiness and the modern man – the hope is to peel back layers, and find out what makes him tick. and megan hilty manages to capture our confused hearts – we know on some level, we’re supposed to hate her for competing with our protagonist – yet we can’t help but feel for her.

smash touches on the perfect balance of making the fantasy real, showing us the perspiration – but at the same time, astonishes us with the razzle-dazzle perfection of broadway musicale.

the modern musical for the over-fifteen, i predict it will live up to it’s name.

rating: watch it. with a friend, alone, i don’t care. every monday this fall, 10pm (EST), 9pm (CST)

any movie that can revolutionize thinking, revolutionize movie-making, and revolutionize Keanu Reeves’s acting career in 136 minutes has my complete and utter approval.

for film class, i once dissected the 3 minute lobby scene in which Neo and Trinity launch their attempt to save Morpheus – it was something like 180 different shots of badass-ness, and that includes several slow-mo setups of Neo and Trinity cartwheeling through concrete clouds. take five seconds here, cram 20 shots into this second – it’s a level of meticulous filmmaking that is rare anymore. when the wachowski brothers – i apologize, no longer brothers – when the wachowski siblings foraged into the second and third installments, there was no such love for every individual frame of their movie. they did it right the first time around, by being as succinct and awesome as possible.

rating: watch whenever disenfranchised, or in need of fist pumping awesomeness. the bigger the screen, the better.

for the lazy afternoon of absurdist surreality. visioneers unexpectedly tore at my emotions, lamenting the political, emotional and intellectual state of our american conscious. zach galifianakis is perfectly cast in this milos forman-esque dark dramedy written and directed by brothers jared and brandon drake.

how far have we devolved in our efforts to progress? is the life you wanted worth having? and when did we forget to laugh not only at ourselves but the world around us? and to fight for the right to do so?

independent thought is not given.

rating – watch alone, when there’s time. it’ll make you want to re-read your high school american history book.

Unbelievable story, about true love.

…food babies. such a bittersweet time, while they’re nesting in your mid-section – making them was such a fun and invigorating process, but having them there – it does complicate things, if we’re being entirely truthful here. the body has to make all sorts of accommodations. and man, are those suckers hard to push out! hours of sweating, straining, and finally they’re out of you and into the world, creating their own aura.

i’ve been in LA for a while now, trying to get work in a notoriously exclusive industry, during the worst economic times of my existence. gosh, i’m smart. and weirdly, no one walked up to me on the street or called me at home to offer me a seven-figure executive job as soon as i moved here, even though i, Claire Koonce, actually graduated from college. what strange people! maybe they don’t have my google voice number…

well, never fear, they in Hollywood have realized their mistake. i start training next week as a lowly assistant, for a job i will hopefully be able to keep after the new year. perhaps now i’ll be able to start paying off the debts zooey racked up with all her fancy parties.

my best romantic encounters in LA

so many people hate her. SO many…why though? i’m sure she worked her constantly-changing tush off to get her own show, and who knows, maybe her food is actually good. other than the grating quality of her voice, there’s no real reason to hate her, i’d sell out just the same. my only question is, how is she still around?? weren’t her fifteen minutes up…years ago? she certainly knows how to cash in, that’s for sure. when your own mother (who’s supposed to stand by you in the face of fire and brimstone) thinks you’ve gone too far, you might be just a little camera hungry. ask any of the mothers of the girls who have gone wild.

it’s a real condition, people. less than an inch? if there is a god, there is a distinct possibility that he wasn’t entirely focused on the task at hand when your parents boogied. guys, listen closely. if you have a micropenis and want to do something about it, see a doctor. there are MANY options. in the old days, they just got rid of it entirely and made a vagina, before you could even keep your eyelids open. now, you get a choice. don’t worry, some day some woman (or man) will love you no matter your size. but women rip hair from the roots all over their body, cover their faces with paint and walk on stilts, so don’t give me crap about accepting bodies as they are. It would also help if this guy trimmed.