(the cat is the cool one)

so many people hate her. SO many…why though? i’m sure she worked her constantly-changing tush off to get her own show, and who knows, maybe her food is actually good. other than the grating quality of her voice, there’s no real reason to hate her, i’d sell out just the same. my only question is, how is she still around?? weren’t her fifteen minutes up…years ago? she certainly knows how to cash in, that’s for sure. when your own mother (who’s supposed to stand by you in the face of fire and brimstone) thinks you’ve gone too far, you might be just a little camera hungry. ask any of the mothers of the girls who have gone wild.

it’s a real condition, people. less than an inch? if there is a god, there is a distinct possibility that he wasn’t entirely focused on the task at hand when your parents boogied. guys, listen closely. if you have a micropenis and want to do something about it, see a doctor. there are MANY options. in the old days, they just got rid of it entirely and made a vagina, before you could even keep your eyelids open. now, you get a choice. don’t worry, some day some woman (or man) will love you no matter your size. but women rip hair from the roots all over their body, cover their faces with paint and walk on stilts, so don’t give me crap about accepting bodies as they are. It would also help if this guy trimmed.

what a wonderful accessory. cute, fashionable in any era, warm–but wear them correctly, for chrissake. when you wrap them around your neck and tuck it in like a giant fat necklace, it looks like your head is sitting in a pile of frosting. even david beckham, as sexy as he is, looks moronic with this knot.

with everything that’s going on with the home-and-job front, zooey’s vlog has been reduced to a blog. rants are available in THE BACK CORNER, and feel free to submit topics. i’ll be updating as often as inspiration strikes.

MAN that tranny is one beautiful train wreck! can a single person love themselves more? i don’t think even jesus has a heart that big. but dear god, ANTM is friggin’ addictive. you get to watching two minutes, then suddenly you’re thinking, ‘Well, I just want to know who wins the challenge….and how Whitney handles the photo shoot….and how did those pictures turn out? Oh my god, they sent Kaylen home!! WHY, TYRA, WHY????? When’s the next episode? Right now? Why yes, I WOULD like to watch nine more hours of ten-foot-tall idiotic bitching.” Not gonna lie, I would totally jump a chance for that show, if only to meet the Jay’s.

zooey and i have decided to start a video blog. it will be available on youtube, as i have no computer skills whatsoever to put them on this site, but i hope you’ll leave comments here as well. the idea is that in thirty seconds or less, i’ll give you my opinion (you know you want it) on any topic you suggest. any person, place, thing or idea–if i don’t know it, i’ll take the time to look it up, form an uneducated opinion, and spout off about it. hopefully we’ll have the first of these videos in a couple days.

So “Heartstrings,” featuring Brian Lewis, is now on youtube.

Part 1 is Preludio from Eclectic Suite, written by Michael McLean and arranged by Tim Rogers–it’s my attempt to make violin look cool.

Part 2 is Earth, written by Michael McLean and performed by Brian with the London Symphony Orchestra–it’s a narrative involving Brian-the-performer’s relationship to Sara SanMiguel (Lita Taracena), a young college student whose story unfolds with the music.

Hope you like it! I hope it tugs at your ‘heartstrings’… har-har….har-har…

So this is my new site, and as you can see it’s under construction. I hope to have it slicked up in the near future, but I really have no idea what I’m doing. Bear with me and one day, this will look really cool.